Jan. 16th, 2016

lady_kishiria: (judaism)
Over the past year or so, I'd become resentful of having to go to the gym and keep fit and under a certain weight. Now that I've changed units, I find that that's lifted. I think it's that I know I have a much smaller amount of time and money to commit, so the gym can be more for me and less for Uncle Sam. Steve and I both refer to Uncle Sam as my abusive second husband, saying "You stay skinny and attractive, or I'll throw you out!" Which is what it comes down to when a Command Sergeant Major can ban hairstyles because he doesn't think they are attractive. There was one which was pretty popular back in 2005 which was a short back that lengthened towards the front. CSM didn't like it, so he banned it.

But as I said, I feel more like doing this for myself now.

I realized that I need to do more weightlifting, to keep my bones dense. I have to mentally remind myself of this because it's just not something that otherwise occurs to me. I still think I'm 25. I'm twice that, and I figure if I can be muscular with tough bones I'll be able to keep thinking that.

The other thing to keep me feeling 25 is mental agility. I'm--torturing is the wrong word, but I do my best to stress my intellect--using Hebrew. Hebrew is not an easy language and the letters tend to all look like each other. But there are women in their 80s and 90s at my synagogue who read like rabbis and are sharp as tacks, so Hebrew is probably a good plan.

Certainly I have felt more welcomed at temple than I ever have in a Catholic church. Living out where we do, I value that sense of community and am trying to spend more time there. I keep saying that I'm not committed to conversion, but I'm putting out an awful lot of effort for someone who claims to be ambivalent.

This is also because when I have been OMG SO SURE of things I wanted to do, it's because I had doubts. I also don't feel any need for urgency. The only thing I can't do is be called to the bima to read Torah. It's not as if I'll go to hell if I don't accept the Torah as my Personal Lord and Saviour. And even if I did, it'd be Jewish hell and the food would be good.

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