Lady K's Big Fat Feminism Talk

This has been long in coming. My feminism comes from two concepts:

1. Margaret Atwood wrote in the 70s, and it's still true today, "Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them." This shouldn't still be true 40 years later.

2. You, yes YOU, are responsible for yourself. Man, woman, trans, intersex, it doesn't matter. YOU are responsible for yourself. If you are an adult, you may be responsible for more than yourself. You may be responsible for your kids, your subordinates and in some cases, the youngsters you encounter on the internet.

In the 70s, feminism was radical because there was a lot to be radical about. Ads from the 50s and 60s cheerfully show narrow gender roles, and situations where women are turned into objects for laughs. Women fought for the radical concept that women are people. People deserve equal pay for equal work, the right to have children or not, the right to own property. And you know what? Women won. The big steps were made, so there was only some small cleanup of the vestiges to do, right?

In the 80s, that's what happened. We became aware of the vestiges and worked on them, largely in media presentation. The idea that gender roles weren't helpful to men or women started to raise its head.

In the 90s, feminism turned to re-examining sexuality. Now that preventing pregnancy or having a pregnancy without the traditional family structure was possible, the idea of female pleasure and sexuality without men became huge. Feminists started talking positively about pornography, S/M, and new forms of family, looking back to the 70s for ideas.

Now it's the 21st century and what the hell happened to my movement?

Lady K's Big Fat Feminism Talk Part 2

Now, more than ever, rule 2 is being ignored. No one is responsible for anything. This is a societal problem and it's infested feminism in a terrible way. Rule 1 is still true; men are afraid of women laughing at them, and women are afraid men will kill them. Men are still killing women. About a year ago, a boy stabbed a girl to death because she wouldn't go to prom with him. He knew she wasn't interested, he knew she had a boyfriend. He killed her in a pure example of Rule 1. Women are penalized for defending themselves, and when men are penalized for raping or killing women, often they are seen as the victims, not the women who suffered the harm themselves.

Feminism is good for men. It points out that patriarchy (a word you seldom hear me use, but it's operative here) forces men into roles they may not want either. A boy who likes the arts and expresses his feelings is no less masculine than the football player. An adult man should be able to cry over loss. Patriarchy tells them they shouldn't, so men should be able to claim feminism as a movement for themselves, too.

That would also address Rule 1. The more men teach their sons that they are not entitled to women's bodies, the healthier society will be. The more boys learn that they have the right to the toys and games they like, the hobbies they like, and the clothing they like, the healthier they will be.

Unfortunately, young feminists have become a bunch of spoiled babies who ignore Rule 2. What has caused this is an essay unto itself. I saw this starting to happen in the mid-90s, and it's borne fruit now.

20-something feminists have all too often become "Tumblr feminists" whose interest is in getting what they want, without working towards it, or prioritizing anything. I summarize it in the sentence, "2010s feminists are afraid someone will call them a name." When someone does call them a name, they run to Mommy and Daddy, and the role of Mommy and Daddy is played by Government.

For decades I have been saying over and over that if you are a woman, government is NOT your friend. Don't engage with it! Instead, governments, particularly those in universities where young men and women are often on their own for the very first time, are invoked as parents. Personal responsibility is in the trash bin. Did a young woman regret having sex with that young man? Cry rape! Did she not get into the university she wanted? Cry racism! Does she not receive the pay she wants after going to university? Cry oppression! But under no circumstances, NONE, should she ever consider that she's a grown woman with agency who perhaps shouldn't have slept with that guy, or studied a semester at another school in order to get into the university she prefers, or not taken that liberal arts degree and taken a science or trade instead.

(That last example is my personal glass house and I'll throw rocks in it if I want to.)

Recently, Rolling Stone ran an article about a brutal rape at University of Virginia that apparently never took place. When the woman who claimed to be the victim was confronted, she blamed a man who did not know her, her friends, and the university. Take responsibility for her own words? Under no circumstances. Realize she got an uninvolved person in trouble with his reputation? Not her problem. This kind of thing has to end.

On the other hand, we have the Steubenville rapists, with whom CNN sympathized, lamenting that these poor young men are having their futures taken away from them. Far be it from these boys to take responsibility for what they did. When you consider that they were enabled by adults who had responsibility for them, the situation becomes even worse.

This is the paradox of 2015 feminism. We are still being attacked by men, and men are still being covered for. In response, young women "reclaim" the word slut, invent or exaggerate attacks on them, and look to governments to make laws about their grievances. The laws exist, actually. Nothing new needs creating. What 2015 feminists need to do is woman up and start acting responsible for themselves. (to be continued...oh yes.)

Lady K's Big Fat Feminism Talk Part 3

I was about to write that what 2015 feminist have to do is "grow up", but the adults they know have too often not let them do that. In a world where playgrounds no longer have sharp edges and parents helicopter over their offspring in order that no negative experience ever plague them, growing up has become something that doesn't happen with age.

They would do well by realizing that the world is a harsh and dangerous place. Like any wilderness, it's full of peril and beauty. It is not safe. Fullstop.

Every girl should be taught to throw a punch and use a weapon. Adults of both sexes should strive towards a world where needing to use those tools is rarely necessary, but since the world is not and never will be safe, they need to know.

2015 feminists need to understand that they have to close the Tumblr app, leave their houses, and participate in society. They need to set actual goals for feminism. They need to set actual goals for themselves. Once they've set the goals, they have to realize the work will be hard. People WILL call them mean names. The answer isn't to cry on the internet about how oppressed you are, but to see yourself as a bulldozer smashing through the obstacles thrown in front of you. You are not a baby, you are an adult. Act like it! 2015 feminists have resources at their disposal that generations of women have not had. Take advantage! Resist! Fight! Break! We laid the groundwork for you, and the laws you need to back yourself are now in place. Use them.

In closing, I'll quote Margaret Atwood again: "Refuse to be a victim. And that is ultimately what it comes down to.