lady_kishiria | Nightmares

This is the second morning in a row I´ve had bad dreams. I wrote an entry about last night, but for some reason it never posted, perhaps because I fiddled too much with changing the mood icons or something.

Anyway, last night I had a dream where a girl (who looked like Leelee Sobieski) had a fight or something with her boyfriend (who looked like Ed Norton Jr.). He invaded her home and came in with a small pistol of some sort and chased her through the house with it. She shut herself in her room, but he was prying open the deadbolt and she had to hold the handle of it with her fingers. They started to hurt quickly. She called the police, but they were away at a symposium.

Eventually her father came after the boyfriend with a hunting rifle. He shot him, but the boyfriend got away. Father foolishly left the hunting rifle out, and the wounded boyfriend got it and started chasing the girl again.

For some reason, either she was not believed or the people in her town felt she deserved it, because after that, she couldn´t go out without people laughing at her, even after the awful experience she had.

I woke up and had to get up immediately because I had to PEE and the cat was screaming at me for her breakfast. So I was there in the kitchen, cold, naked, and scared, feeding her, before I could get back in bed.

Last night´s dream wasn´t as bad, but I woke up feeling down like I haven´t in a while. As many of you know, at McGill I fell in love with a Jewish girl I´ll call Lilith. We came from two non-compatible religious worlds though, and after we both left McGill I met Steve and she hooked up with another woman who was a rabbi in Colorado. Dog-in-the-manger as it sounds, when she let me know about this woman, I cried for three days.

Last night I dreamt I was at a party thrown by one of Steve´s profs. The prof was also an ex-Marine who lived in a big renovated granary with a bunch of other marines. We had a great time at the party, which was kosher because the prof was Jewish. As one of Steve´s friends and I cleaned up, a car drove up and a guy in a suit got out to talk to the prof. I saw in the car that Lilith was in there, looking okay but for some bad skin, and 4 kids. I asked what had happened and she said she left the Colorado rabbi and got married to a man and had these kids. She herself was no longer a rabbi, she was a mom. I was horrified, and grabbed her out of the car, kissed her and said, ¨Hey (whatever the guy´s name was), did you know I used to make out with your wife?¨

Oh, yeah, that kind of behaviour charms ANY girl and she shoved me away and drove off with the guy, of course. I woke up feeling like a socially crippled loser--and with my fear of losing sight of the Goal even stronger.

The fact that it is day 4 of damp and darkness probably isn´t helping.